Thursday, November 16, 2017

Discussion: You Give Instalove a Bad Name


This Week’s Topic: Instalove

If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone declared their abhorrence for instalove, I would be able to buy myself something pretty nice, maybe even finance a fun vacation. But what I am wondering is, why does instalove get such a bad name?

Imagine you are walking down the street, texting, and accidentally bumped into something. However, when you look up, you find it's not a something, it's a someone. And when you look up, you look into each other's souls, and know this your other half. Doesn't that sound incredible? Why do people hate this so much? How can we denounce such magic? 

Personally, I sort of believe that you can just "click" with someone. I have experienced this before with friendships, where I met someone, and I immediately knew I would hit it off with them. And when I adopted my last dog, I remember walking into the facility, and scanning the cages, until our eyes just met. Right then, right there, I knew she was the dog for me. You know how it is, you just get this feeling and you know it's right. It happened when I bought my car. I looked at car after car after car, but then I set eyes on this one, and knew it was the one for me. If a friend, a pet, a car, or a dress, why can't this be the case with romantic love? 


Call me a hopeless romance, but I want to believe in love at first sight. Just because it has not happened to me, doesn't mean it isn't possible, and perpetuating this fantasy makes me happy and hopeful. 

Now it's your turn! What's your stance on instalove?


Instalove - yea or nay? 
Let us know in the comments!

32 comments:

  1. I'm so with you! I swear, we must be as rare as two albino, cross-eyed, left-handed sloths at the local zoo. LOL It seems like Insta-love is universally reviled and and I don't get it. Yes, sometimes it is represented poorly. Two people meet and within days (or hours!) they are proclaiming their undying loving and willing to sacrifice all for one another. Okay, yeah, a little overdone. But two people meeting and feeling an instant connection? Just *knowing* that something is there. Absolutely. I believe it and am so on-board for it. I see so many people say "I will NEVER read a book with insta-love" or "I will NEVER read a book with cheating." And I feel like, those things are real-life. They happen. So I don't mind reading about them. (And I know I'm kind of veering off topic here.) Not to mention, that when I'm reading, I know I'm reading FICTION. I'm willing to give an author some leeway. If a romance develops quicker in a book than it typically does in real life - okay! I can accept that. It's fiction and I can allow myself to be caught up in the romance of it and just be entertained.

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    1. OMG, this: "I swear, we must be as rare as two albino, cross-eyed, left-handed sloths at the local zoo." And this comment is exactly why I *just knew* I would love having you as one of my blogging friends. I read fiction for the fiction of it. I don't expect it to be realistic; I'll watch the news for that. I am in it for the entertainment value, point blank, period, the end. If there is instalove mixed in with a story that takes me away from this cruel, cruel world, I say - thank you. I think the older I get, the more I want these unrealistic things too.

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    2. LOL I feel the same. I can't remember who found whom but I'm so glad we did!

      And just a big fate YES to everything you said. I don't need (or want) utter realism in my books - particularly my romance. I get enough of that in real life, thank you very little. I want escapism... so bring on the insta-love and the insta-swoons!

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  2. Mostly I can't stand it, same with love triangles - though there have been a few that I didn't mind. I could probably buy myself something pretty nice with just the amount of times I've said it...

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    1. It's ok to not like something in a book. I saw someone reading a book I DNFed, because I didn't like it when I realized the romance was between the MC and her best friend's dad. That's a nope for me. But, it is good to hear you are able to tolerate it.

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  3. I love the idea of meeting someone and having an instant connection with them; like you said, it happens with friends. I think it can happen with a romantic interest, as well, but to take that connection and call it "love" right off the bat is where things get a bit difficult for me. I just happen to think love is when you really get to know someone, the good and the bad, and you still want to be with them. I guess my biggest issue with instalove is that it happens a lot in YA books, and I think it sets up an unrealistic expectation for teenagers. Infatuation, maybe, but not necessarily love? I hope I don't sound like a grouch!

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    1. When I think back to my teen "loves", I realize it wasn't really love. It was what you said - infatuation, but at the time, I thought it was the real thing. I taught high school for 12 years, and I observed that age group closely. From my experiences, I understand why they make the choices they do in a lot of YA books, but looking at it from an adult perspective, I also understand what you are saying.

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  4. I am ok with instalove if done well. If the whole situation is not too overboard and the chemistry is actually good I am ok. Sometimes it just doesn't work for me though.

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    1. Sometimes I am OK with the OTT stuff, if that is what I signed up for. I just feel like people are so much harder on instalove in books than they are with respect to it in movies and TV shows. Chemistry is a must for it to be believable, so I am right there with you on that.

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  5. Instalove can work if it is done right, and yes you are right some people just click, but even then there is no guarantee. I like to see the formation of the relationship, the buildup, the friendship and the chemistry. it is unrealisitc to instantly start declaring I love you when you don’t know the person. It just depends on the execution.

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    1. I do like to see the relationship build as well. My fave romances are friends-to-more and second chance, because of the history and build, but I just think people are especially tough on the instalove.

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  6. Ha - I have finally outwitted Blogger and can comment (hope saying that doesn't jinx me)
    So I agree with Heidi - I'm fine with insta-attraction but then I want to see some work put into the relationship, even some bumps in the road. Inst-HEA is I guess what irks me.
    Jen Ryland Reviews

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    1. It's a idealization that I sometimes like to buy into, but I also like to see the two people put some work in before they are "in love", but it doesn't frustrate, and it's a nice fantasy.

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    2. That's a good point. If I'm reading a straight romance novel, I mind the instalove less because that's kind of the point- I mean by page 27 or so you have to get the romance cooking!

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    3. I feel like there is a situation where many things that are highly detested are tolerable, and you picked the perfect scenario. It's a romance, I expect romance, and it's ok if it's full steam ahead 10% into the book.

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  7. I don't HATE instalove but I also don't love it. I don't know, I think it depends on the book? haha with contemporary I usually want it fast cuz..like..that's the point. I want romance hahaha With fantasy I'm a little more picky because usually instalove in fantasy = a story ALL about the romance and then it just gets silly because that's not why I am reading the book.

    ok...I don't think any of that made sense. haahaha

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    1. Actually, you bring up a good point, which Jen sort of alluded up a little higher. If the story is a romance, it makes sense that instalove would not be a deal breaker, because you expect it, and I think I feel like that about a lot of story devices/tropes employed by authors. It's ok in some situations, but not others.

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  8. I do believe that persons can connect on their first meeting. I have no problem reading about it either, but what I would love to see relationship develop at a realistic pace.

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    1. I do enjoy sharing those early stages where the love builds too. I guess I always believed you don't get something for nothing, so I expect to see the H/H work, but I don't get frustrated if it happens overnight.

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  9. Of course people can be instantly attracted and interested. But sometimes it doesn't work out, and even if it does, there are many steps between that moment and actual love. The first time I saw my husband, I wanted to get to know him, and once we started talking, I wanted to see him again. It wasn't love, but it didn't take that long until it was! I think the thing I find annoying in a book/movie/show is if the entire relationship is based off that initial spark, with no other substance or explanation given.

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    1. I can imagine that being annoying. I don't mind a quick start to the relationship, but I want it grow too and develop as the characters get to know each other better or get to know each other in a romantic way better.

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  10. I don't think I believe in insta-love, but I do 1000% believe that two people can meet and click with each other either as friends or in a romantic way, and then that can turn super-fast into love. However, I do prefer when there's some kind of substance given to the readers, actually talking to each other or meeting various times before saying they are so in love. Anyhow, fantastic post!

    Veronika @ The Regal Critiques

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    1. The meeting and getting to know each other is part of the fun for me when I read a romance, but I will never discount love at first sight, because I know people who made this claim and they are still happily married 50 years later.

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  11. Ah, I love your take on this! I mean, I don't know if I agree, but I like your post hahah. Okay, here's my thoughts: Insta-attraction I think can happen? Insta-lust, insta-infatuation? But ACTUAL love? No. Can those things DEVELOP into love, sure! But what bugs me in these cases is that a lot of times the MC will like, give up their lives for this person they just met- and it seems like a bad message?

    I also definitely have trouble believing in insta-love because I A) have horribly wrong first impressions of people, and B) don't think I can BE attracted to someone I don't know a bit? But that's just me, I am aware ;)

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    1. One thing I can be sure of when I read something you write, is an instalaugh. I feel like, in YA books at least, that it's more of an insta-lust/insta-attraction/insta-infatuation thing, which is mistaken for insta-love, because they are young and I remember being a teen and working with teens, and everything is so intense and heightened, so it's not unrealistic to me. Has it ever happened to me? That's a no, but I think I wrote this post because I saw reviewers knocking a rating down by a full star because of instalove, and I wanted to know what people thought about it or why they so passionately hated it.

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  12. I agree with what you said exactly---just because I've never fallen in love at first sight, that doesn't mean it's not possible for someone else. However, I guess because it's never happened to me, it's hard for me to relate or buy into it when it happens to characters. Or maybe it's the writing that's the problem, that the author just isn't conveying that feeling correctly, and that's why I'm not buying into it in most books. I don't know. But I absolutely believe that you can just click with someone immediately upon meeting them, or that you can fall in love quickly with the essence of who a person is, even though it won't be the deepest of love until you get to know each other better. The problem is, with most books, the characters don't just "click," instead they jump straight into "I WILL DIE FOR HIM I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM HE'S MY EVERYTHING!" love within like a week lol.

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    1. Maybe I just went to and taught in drama high, because I saw those girls/boys, who had those obsessive relationships, and they came out of the blue. Not all teens are that way, but with many, there is this urgency when they do anything, so I don't rule out the behavior you described above. It always surprised me, but then again, I look at things through grown up glasses. I actually think I judge the romances more harshly in adult books, than in YA books. I think any trope can go awry if written poorly. I think if a trope is done to the extreme, it is a turn off, but when used wisely, it can facilitate a great story.

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  13. I will forever be a hopeless romantic, but I don't believe in an instant connection with another person. I can agree with you on having something deep down in me click when I see a particular item (i.e. shoes, computers, cars, etc.), but not with a human being. In my experience people are way too complex for me to click with someone right away and have them stay like that for weeks or years down the road. I like a big dose of what I consider "normal" in the romantic books I read :)

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    1. Our experiences play such a huge role in our opinions regarding, well, everything, and I actually think it's great that you know what will and won't work for you in a book. I will say that I have quite a short list of things that don't work. It seems that if the characters in the book are written well, I can take the rest in stride IF it is something that fits with the overall plot and is used to advance the story.

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  14. From a personal standpoint, I don't believe in love at first sight. But, at the same time, I can deal with it in a book if it's well written and if there's a convincing connection and believable chemistry between the two characters. Even though I don't really believe in it, a good writer can persuade me that it really is possible.

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    1. I think any trope can be great if written well. I just finished Foolish Hearts today, and there was this quote that made me think of this discussion - "maybe it's not realistic but it's appealing....Some kind of realized version of how things could be." I think that is exactly why instalove and such things don't bother me, because deep down inside, the idea appeals to me.

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